Just re-read the previous post...ACK! With so many grammatical and spelling errors, how could I possibly think that an intelligent man like you would fancy a bimbo girl like me?!!

Even if we grow old and die, filled with regrets, I will still never confess to you.

A friend of mine confessed to me just now, and I refused him.

I could sense that he liked me since our first year in uni, but I could understand that his feelings were caused by my maternal/friend attitude to him, as I had comforted him, adviced him etc during his troubled times, and laughed at him, laughed with him at his happier times.

He was and always be in my friendzone, even if you're not inside of me anymore.

The reason he had the guts to confess to me now, was just last year his ex passed away, and she wasn't even 19. So why wait for a time that may never come to confess?

I must admire my friend. Though he may come out as someone without balls, dorky, nerdy, boyish etc, but he lives in the moment. While I remained single and wishing for a moment, he took his chances and was in several relationships with different girls, no matter how brief the moments were.

I'd say he's a better person than I am, for he has all the memories of love to hold on, while I have nothing but dreams only. =)

Anyway, I know I should be like him, taking a leap of faith and declare my feelings to whom I fancy/fancied, but what is holding me back is that elusive moment where I can gather my courage and do what I must, which I cannot see in the future.

I had the right moment, no, I had a lot of right moments, that was during all the times we had with each other in view, I could have done what I should have done! And all this, ...all my anxieties, regrets, wishful fantasies, and this stupid, foolish blog, would have never existed.

I sometimes fantasize what would be the right moment: When we come across each other by accident? But after so so many years? And would we ever, ever meet again in this lifetime?

So, my dear, we both will grow old and die, and most likely, that right moment will never come. Both of us would have found our happiness, but oh, dear dear kenneth, it probably would have been better, if I had more guts in my butterfly filled tummy then, than now.

I see that sometime in the future, I will have to take a leap of faith...or in better words, I will have to bet with higher stakes in a game called life.
But before I take that giant leap, what I must do right now, is to finish running through this marathon. I hope that I can muster enough adrenaline and determination to at least accomplish this with my head held high, even though my dreams of getting first class honours are definitely dashed.

Almost everyday before I close my eyes to sleep, that waft of emotional cold sadness enters into my heart...where I could feel regret, melancholy, loneliness and, saddest of all, love emitting out of myself.

I let put a silent sigh to myself to comfort my heart, and clutch myself as I slumber this feeling away.

Goddammit you, you! You appeared in my dreams, again!! This time looking as sweet and dashing as you could, with a nice suit to boot, and you came by to some function/dinner that I was having in the night, and whisked me away to some nice place, like a garden with some faery lights. And every inch and fibre of me was telling myself to always stick with you and never leave! Now just when we were awkwardly trying to catch up on the times, somehow people just kept looking for me to settle this matter and that matter, leaving you forlornly behind, and when I was finally free, I kept searching for you but you weren't there and then more people came looking for me for this and that matter, until you disappeared from my mind and I was stuck with a new scenario!

goddammit! A supposedly sweet dream turned into a miserable dream until I opened my damn eyes.

Please don't appear anymore, mister, it's really nice to have you, but every time I wake up I feel like crap.

I don;t know why, but I suddenly had this faint flash of memory:

Before the start of choir practice, I was doing my maths homework, where I stumbled upon a hard question. actually it wasnt hard, the reason i couldn't think of the damn solution was because you were sitting beside me, and staring at what I was doing.

Few seconds passed and my hand that was holding my pencil was shivering ever so slightly while my eyes just kept rereading and rereading the question without raking my brain for an answer.

Don't remember what came next, but your fair white hand took the pencil away from my ugly dark brown hand, and while explaining, wrote down the solution for me.

Your handwriting was smaller and neater, than my untidy scatches.

So yeah, so I spent the whole training with a blush on my face, thinking how stupid I probably am to you.

Well I'd Never!!

I'll be honest

I was incredibly surprised but also very happy when I saw

" 'your name' and ----- commented on your status " on my facebook notifications.

And not just one status, but two!!

I cranked my head for a long time as hard as I could, trying to think out something witty and funny to reply to your comment, but in the end could only manage to reply something that does not show how happy and excited I am to see your comments.

Sigh...

After all these times, why are you suddenly paying attention to what I say on facebook? Please, I don't want to be a delusional lovesick girl who thinks too much!