I could sense that he liked me since our first year in uni, but I could understand that his feelings were caused by my maternal/friend attitude to him, as I had comforted him, adviced him etc during his troubled times, and laughed at him, laughed with him at his happier times.
He was and always be in my friendzone, even if you're not inside of me anymore.
The reason he had the guts to confess to me now, was just last year his ex passed away, and she wasn't even 19. So why wait for a time that may never come to confess?
I must admire my friend. Though he may come out as someone without balls, dorky, nerdy, boyish etc, but he lives in the moment. While I remained single and wishing for a moment, he took his chances and was in several relationships with different girls, no matter how brief the moments were.
I'd say he's a better person than I am, for he has all the memories of love to hold on, while I have nothing but dreams only. =)
Anyway, I know I should be like him, taking a leap of faith and declare my feelings to whom I fancy/fancied, but what is holding me back is that elusive moment where I can gather my courage and do what I must, which I cannot see in the future.
I had the right moment, no, I had a lot of right moments, that was during all the times we had with each other in view, I could have done what I should have done! And all this, ...all my anxieties, regrets, wishful fantasies, and this stupid, foolish blog, would have never existed.
I sometimes fantasize what would be the right moment: When we come across each other by accident? But after so so many years? And would we ever, ever meet again in this lifetime?
So, my dear, we both will grow old and die, and most likely, that right moment will never come. Both of us would have found our happiness, but oh, dear dear kenneth, it probably would have been better, if I had more guts in my butterfly filled tummy then, than now.
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